An Ex that is still around is a tricky situation to deal with, especially a long term one. RUN! Ok, maybe not yet, but it is very necessary to understand what their relationship is. There are only three possible situations. 1. They do not speak….at all. This is one of the better situations. 2. They have both moved on from one another, and are now truly just friends. 3. They still mess around. This is utterly the worse of them all! It is imperative to understand that it is extremely hard to compete with an ex, especially if you guys are newly dating. It does not matter whether or not they had a healthy relationship. They have one thing you do not, time. They have spent tons of quality time over the years and have formed a bond, no matter how toxic. There is a reason they still mess around. The reasons they still mess around can vary. It does not necessarily mean they, or he, wants to be with the other person. It’s familiar, it’s safe! Honestly, if someone tells me that they have a recent break up, I am like run for the hills! And that is from my own personal experience.
I have been the one that entered into another relationship soon after I broke up from a long term one. I was the one to initiate the split. But even with that I had to learn to be without the person I grew up with. I had to learn how to be with someone new. But of course I missed just being around them, so I went back. I messed up the relationship I was beginning to have and truly wanted. I never wanted to be with my ex, but they were around and available, so it was easy. There were things I had to work through and get out my system. But once I did, we were both able to move on into great relationships.
But why does he not matter to my newbie? I am making a clear effort to work through things with him. I am truly trying to be with him. I am putting the effort into our relationship. This shows him that even though I had that past, it is just that, The Past. I will never change any part of my life. My ex was an awesome person who taught me awesome and great life lessons. He helped me become the girlfriend I am today. I love seeing him in a new happy healthy relationship, I am truly proud of him. When an ex becomes truly an EX the newbie has nothing to worry about.
Now, I have been on both sides of this situation, call it Karma. I have also, been the newbie. But things the Ex must understand about me, is that she was once relevant, I respect that. But to me you are irrelevant, I do not judge nor live my life based on the past, and I give others the same respect. Unless, he has an awesome ex, like myself, she is not supportive of the change. That is fine, like my previous post says, you live your life for you not someone else. Respect the person you are with, as long as they are providing the same respect. Let them handle their situations. What everyone must understand is that every relationship is not the same. The relationship your ex had with you, is most likely not the same one they have with the newbie. If they are a better fit for them, it will definitely be a better relationship, and that is fine! That is when you as the ex should see it respect it and move on. No one likes someone who doesn’t get it. As the ex, I am so happy for the newbies! I hope all of my Exes are lucky enough to find that one girl that changes everything. I also, hope that they treat the newbie as special as she should be. Make sure that I am irrelevant to her.
To the newbie, let the Ex remain just that, let them stay in the past. Be aware of the situation you are in, if you decide to move forward with your relationship choose to move forward with trust.
To the Ex, the relationship you once shared meant a lot to you. We get that, move forward and find someone who completes you. A break-up is a learning experience, it shows you not only the things you do not want, but the things you deserve! And you should never settle for less….. NEVER!
~ Be Loved!